For me, it was either the one or the other; I was either two confident or I was haunted by a multitude of factors that caused dangerously low self esteem. I tried to find a balance, but I was not really willing to put in the effort.
Growing up I was surrounded by people who were beyond average. It didn’t matter to me much before but I found myself having this immense fear of being absolutely average. This fear was so heavy and so bonding I just couldn’t push myself to break the barriers. Have you ever felt that way before?
Just because I am writing this post doesn’t mean that I have somehow found a magic cure to all this. Even now I cannot get over the fear that I am this tiny dot and no matter how I try or what I do, that may as well be all that I am… a dot… with no power to spread the light.
I do not know the statistics but most of us do things just for the sake of gratification and in that process, we end up forgetting who we are; sometimes the unluckiest ones completely lose the lustre which made them so likeable and confident.
Right from the time we are born through school, college, employment and family life we have been compared, humiliated and forced to stick to a dogma. A close friend of mine, who was very attractive and vivacious with a huge zest for life was forced to end a promising career to withdraw into an organised marriage.
She did it because she felt it was her duty, the entire process was done in a way that she had absolutely no control over it. She still smiles and remains her positive self but I could witness the once bright flame in her die down slowly…. It hurt me so much, because after that she couldn’t stop herself from accepting that this is all there is to life.
You could be the most successful businessman and you could still feel the emptiness within.
When we have a lot, we want more.
When you have multiple luxury houses but you did not grow up with values and principles instilled in you, you will have low self-esteem.
If you wish to have the finer things in life but refuse to work religiously towards it, you will have low self-esteem.
If you do not realize the importance and significance of money, relationships and compassion, you will have low self-esteem.
When you forget your roots, you will have low self-esteem.
When you lack the courage to stand up and defend those who once defended you, you will have low self-esteem.
You cannot just wake up one morning and expect to be confident and positive all the time, just like fitness, just like discipline, working on your self esteem is a process which can be cultivated over time. All you need is some acceptance and being brutally honest with yourselves.
- Stop comparing yourself with others.
You do not know everyone’s story; your friend might have scored higher than you but he probably struggles in social situations, something you might be very good at. It is baseless to argue that everyone’s intelligence and capabilities should be measured with the same metric.
Don’t overthink the difference between yourself and the other person. We keep comparing because we are constantly searching for who we are and where we stand. So we always end up pitting against each other instead of supporting one another. Be true to yourself, let a person in your life see who you really are.. let them see the good the bad and the ugly .
As Theodore Roosevelt said, ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’, you need to let it go and be you.
- Seek solitude but don’t isolate yourself
Most of the goals designed by people is to have accomplishments and rewards, the real luxury if finding the calmness within. I have enjoyed my days of solitude and I suffered the times of isolation. Isolation is a result of giving up, solitude is an attempt to reach out for what’s new.
Just a little bit of solitude, free from all the white noises and bright lights could make an immense difference. Solitude is the soul’s holiday where you stop doing stuff for others and delight yourself instead.
I have been trying to meditate regularly now, the calmness that you experience allows you to truly understand your mind, body and soul; some of the knots will come loose and you will experience a clarity that will guide you to greatness.
Try to accommodate atleast five minutes of meditation right after you get up, I guarantee that your day will be comparatively brighter and more colourful.
- Accept your strengths and weaknesses.
The great thing about weaknesses is that it can be temporary…..only if you want it to be temporary. Strength on the other hand could become a weakness when it goes to your head. Not only do you have to accept your strengths and weaknesses, you need to know the level of strength and weakness you possess. It will help you understand yourself more and direct your concentration on areas that need improvement.
Whether it’s in business, athletics or arts, underestimating your strengths or denying that you have a weakness could be suicidal to your plan.
Accepting your limitations will also reveal hidden strengths that could surprise you as well.
So instead of forcing yourself with all the things that keep weighing you down, take a deep breath and let go… identify the things that stick with you and the things that fall to the ground because you have been holding on to it for too long without an emotional adhesive. Find better beautiful things that are worth keeping and nurturing, that’s where your true happiness lies.